Nothing Left to lose
by Tobin Mitchell
Summary: A little Fic-let I cooked up, the first time I've wanted to write for a long time; anyway this is a Snape/Lily thing. On Graduation Day from Hogwarts Snape says goodbye. R&R please.


Disclaimer: I am not lucky enough to own these characters: they belong to J.K. Rowling, the song belongs to The Goo Goo Dolls. If only Alan Rickman Belonged to me

AN: This Story is for Chime, BarbaraSheridan, and Indigo Ziona. For making me want to write again

**Nothing left to lose**

**By Tobin Mitchell**

_Could you whisper in my ear   
the things you wanna feel_

_ Severus skulked down the corridor towards the Great Hall. This should have been a good day. He had, after 7 years, just graduated (with N.E.W.T.'s in Potions and DADA) from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry. Tomorrow he would start his adult life. He felt so…old._

_  
I'll give you anything   
To feel it comin' _

He was due in the Great Hall, but, as usual actually, he wasn't feeling very sociable. In fact, the only reason he wasn't up in the Dorm, packing his things, was that Lily had asked him to come celebrate. Though she was the girlfriend of one of his worst enemy; He was his best ("come now Severus, you know better then that," he muttered to himself) ok, his ONLY friend. Not to mention of course, the woman he was madly in love with.  
  
_Do you wake up on your own   
And wonder where you are   
   
            However, he had to face facts. He was…Not good enough for her. He took a deep breath. This had taken him 4 years to admit to himself, and yet the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. He was a greasy haired Git. He had let himself believe that his small talent for potions would make up for James Potters radiant charm, good looks and Skill as a seeker on the Quidditch field. _

_You live with all your faults_

He reached the great hall a moment later, just in time to see James plant a big wet kiss on her, the diamond ring he had presented her with seconds earlier gleaming in the candle light. Any hope, any dream he had ever had of winning her over died inside him. He cursed him self, wishing it was one of the unforgivable ones. He turned on his heel and walked away from the Hall, striding towards the lake, praying that the pinpricks of tears would stay hidden until he was alone. Another Set of footsteps echoed behind him. Someone caught his arm; he whirled around drawing his wand against whoever had stopped him. His face softened. 

"Lily" _  
  
I wanna wake up where you are   
   
 _

"Are you going out to sit by the lake then? May I join you?" She asked taking his arm and leading him outside 

_I won't say anything at all   
So why don't you slide_

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay inside" he gestured toward the great hall where the party was progressing boisterously "with your fiancé?" He added a bit bitterly. Her face went a bit pale before she began to turn Crimson. "I was hoping you hadn't seen that, I wanted to give you the news myself" "too late" they had reached the lake, Lily sat down. Tucking her legs under her, Severus Sat next to her, his cloak wrapped around him he stared straight ahead of him, and she watched him, waiting for him to talk to her. _  
  
Don't you love the life you killed   
The priest is on the phone   
Your father hit the wall   
Your ma disowned you   
  
_

Finally He spoke:

"You know of course that you are the last semblance of Family I have." She nodded "and Me, Mum & Dad gone, My Muggle Sister has disowned me, Sev, I-" 

"wait until I finish" he said, turning at last to face her "I'm leaving here tomorrow, I'm going to do some work, some very special work, for the Ministry…I fear I may never see you again, so I wanted to give you something, one last souvenir of our friendship."

He produced the package from somewhere inside his robes, He had thought long and hard about his going away present to her. This one would serve a dual purpose.

_  
Don't suppose I'll ever know   
What it means to be a man   
Something I can't change   
I'll live around it   
  
_

She picked open the wrapping revealing the small wooden box. It wouldn't open she laughed a bit, her face smoothing into a grin. "Aahhh, a trick" she said, examining it. She picked up her wand "Alohomora" it jiggled a bit in her hand, and then was still. Now Severus smiled "Let me assist you" He took the box from her and then took her hand, gently placing her fingers in the correct places. The box sprang open, and a silver chain lay inside, a pendant shaped like a bird sparkled in the waning sun. "A crane" He explained

"For luck" she whispered watching the pendant twirl in the sunset. "It will remind you of me," he said. Standing and offering her his hand. She stood, still holding the necklace. She flipped her hair down, and fastened the necklace around her neck. She stood facing him.

_  
And I'll do anything you ever   
Dreamed to be complete   
Little pieces of the nothing that fall   
May put your arms around me   
What you feel is what you are   
And what you are is beautiful    
May do you wanna get married   
Or run away    
  
            He was unable to stop himself. He hugged her close to him, her body burning itself into his flesh. "Don't marry him. Marry me" he pulled back to look at her senselessly. She looked up at him, and for a moment he thought she was going to do it, that she was going to agree to go away with him but then she said "My place is with James; Severus" She said, making him look at her when he had broken eye contact. "I love him, But I want you to know that I love you as well, You are my best friend," She took his hand "Severus please don't hate me for loving him"_

"I could never, in any time in any place hate you." He said  his heart flip-flopping before a layer of ice grew around it. "Go now, go back to the party, I may be around in a moment to congratulate James" She smiled at him, stabbing his heart. She turned and ran back towards the castle, and Severus watched her go. "Protectrivicus" he whispered to the night and he imagined the necklace Lily wore turning purple with magic before returning to its shiny silver. The charm would do its job, and Lily would stay protected. And that was what was important. "Farewell, Love" He said to the last glimpse of her back "Perhaps in some form we shall meet again" He strode out of the Hogwarts grounds, to apperate to the Ministry. He would become a spy tonight. However exciting and noble that had seemed even a few hours ago. It didn't seem to matter anymore. In fact, it seemed as if he was the perfect man for the Job now. He had nothing and no one left to lose. 


End file.
